Ever been rejected?
I wouldn’t say my mission is to be a people pleaser as much as I truly enjoy being generous. Selfishly, I enjoy seeing people smile. Needless to say, it would really bum me out if I bought someone a nice bottle of wine to say “thank you” for their efforts and they said “No thanks”…AND they hadn’t actually given up wine.
There is also that “people pleasing” side of me that feels totally deflated with rejection. After all, one of our deepest human desires is to be accepted and loved.
Spring has sprung, and my love wagon…well she has sprung a slow leak. I was riding this wave of my best week of 2017 emotionally, physically, and professionally. My detox program was full, I got to tell 3 different people they had lost 15 lbs of fat, and it was lake season.
I felt like nothing could go wrong, and the universe and I, we were tight! My fire was burning bright. All things were serendipitous, and then BAM! It felt like someone peed on my fire, literally. The flame was out and I was sitting in a pool of shame.
What’s next? How do we self-soothe? Or unwind at the end of the day? Is it a glass of wine, a walk, dance-off, energy break, your favorite TV series, an amazon splurge, workout, or a conversation with a friend?
My clients struggle with rewarding themselves with foods, shopping, TV series (just to name a few), and we attempt to fill holes that will never be filled. We confuse relaxing with a glass of wine when they are two separate things.
So what did I do you ask?
Well, I spent some time alone feeling ashamed and sad on my boat. I thought about what I could do differently next time and why I was rejected.
I accepted that there was nothing I could do to change the result, and learned a lesson.
And then, after unwinding, breathing thru the storm and forgiving myself…. I had a conversation with a friend. I had a glass of wine and a healthy dinner followed up with gluten free cookies. My favorite “reward” to celebrate that I am worthy, human, and imperfect. Yes, guilty as charged.
It’s amazing how we can love so deeply for our friends, pets, children, parents, spouses, everyone else…but us. We will put ourselves so out of whack emotionally, physically, and mentally trying to make everyone else happy, safe, full, and satisfied all at our own expense.
We realize that we actually would like to make time for a yoga class every week. We would like someone to come and clean our house once a month. AND we would like to do a girls weekend. The trick is that these “wishes” take a little more effort to make reality and that’s where we get stuck.
You might need to have a conversation with a spouse, hire a cleaner, or hire a sitter, which brings up finances, self worth, and money money money!
So we self-soothe with the easier and more tangible rewards in life: cookies at the bakery, a glass of wine every night, a new yoga outfit. All with the rationale, “Well, we deserve it”!
Here is the truth – we can’t control other people’s reactions and behaviors, only our own. So it is imperative that we learn how to navigate disappointment and learn healthy ways to self-soothe.
Be the calm in the storm and have your tools ready.
Find your pilot light, and stay connected so it can guide you to your highest and best place and you can act from there.
Your health, passion, and wildness depend on it and we need more of you and all you have to offer and bring to this world to make it a better place. You are worth it. Not because you work 9 hour days and have 3 mouths to feed, or because you are a CEO and work 60 hours a week, but because you are you.
Try treating yourself to something one day this week non-food, non-shopping, non-material related and see how you feel. Take ten minutes and just do it.
Here are some of my favorites:
· 5 min Energy break (totally biased, I know)
· Cuddling up with Ali in my favorite chair
· Reading a book
· Journaling and doing an angel reading
· Calling a family member or friend to stay connected…*watch who you call as you want to call people that fill your cup, not drain it out.
· Make a healthy gut friendly dessert, like chocolate avocado mousse and feel guilt free.
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